15 years ago today... I woke up in a hotel room in Denver, CO to the news of the Oklahoma City bombing. I had arrived in Denver fairly late the night before in my little red Ford Festiva which I had driven through an April snowstorm to start work as an entertainer and show manager at Elitch Gardens theme park. This was one of many springs which found me on the way to a job somewhere. Spring was when rehearsals started for the summer theme park and resort season. Every Spring, even though I haven't had a summer theme park job in more years than I'd like to count, I still get the urge to go, to pack, to set out. I actually DO think that one of the things I enjoyed best about being a professional entertainer was "The Move" - a new town or cruise ship, a new cast, new things to explore. Even though my memories of Denver are of the shows, the city, the friends I made that summer - the beginning of my time there will be forever linked to the Oklahoma City tragedy. It surprises me how one thing can be so joyous and the other so unspeakably sad and they can both find space in my heart and memory. That the ugliness of the one has never diminished the bright memories of the other.
I remember that morning really well. I had just woken up and turned on the TV for some weather (it HAD just snowed the day before, after all!) and saw the bleak images of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building - half of it blown away. I don't recall how long I watched the scene unfold or listened to the commentary of the reporters. I called my Mom to let her know I had arrived in Denver safely. We talked of my father, now retired, but at the time, a firefighter for the City of Dubuque. Thinking, if this had happened in Dubuque, Dad would be there, risking his life amidst all that ruin, helping to save lives and find loved ones. I'm not sure in all the 42 years he was a firefighter (yes, you read that correctly - 42 years), that he once thought of himself as a hero although he was recognized for being one on several occasions. What I also remember about that morning is thinking "Jeepers! Rehearsals start tomorrow and I have to make appointments to look at apartments and pick up the choreographer at the airport and..." So, while life was standing painfully still for others - this is how I imagine it must feel to someone waiting to hear the fate of a loved one, hoping to rejoice but knowing they may not. Thankfully, I can only imagine these feelings - and they are too much for me to bear even in my imagination! I cannot fathom to think what I would do if faced with such a thing. So, while life was standing painfully still for others, I was moving on into my day... "I have to find a newspaper and check out the apartment listings, call and make appointments. Oh, yeah, I'll need a roll of quarters for the payphone...." (I'm sure some of you remember those days before cells phones and the internet.)
Anyway, it's just so strange... surreal almost... to think that while unspeakable things are happening to others, our lives just go on. They have to, don't they? We send our prayers, our contributions, we take a few moments to rage at the forces of evil and then we get some coffee and go out into the world to do the things we do. What does this mean, exactly? Part of me wants to say it's incredibly selfish that we can do that. The other part of me thinks that this is just another of the many odd strengths of humankind. Don't get me wrong, I'm no hero because I got on with my day that morning 15 years ago. But maybe as long as some of us keep moving then there will be time for others to stand still when they need to or have to? I don't know... these are just my random thoughts for today... and 15 years ago today. Feel free to share your random thoughts...
What do you remember about that day?
How did you feel and what did you do?
Were you "getting on" or "standing still"?
I don't remember what I was doing, probably at work. But I do remember watching the following days on CNN. Trying to make sense of how a human being can think that taking another's life, especially children, could possibly be justified by their misplaced sense of ...well, I can't even think of what they had a sense OF. Nonsense.
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